7 types of men who will mess you up in a relationship

7 types of men who will mess you up in a relationship

Unfortunately, there is still far too little open talk about the topic of sex and at the same time there are many assumptions about what a fulfilling sex life should look like. If this does not match our reality, for example because we as women suffer from sexual aversion, we often feel uncomfortable, maybe even guilty.

Lundy Bancroft describes in his book "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" types of men who engage in psychological and physical violence in a relationship.

Relationship violence can take many different forms. It can be physical, and therefore very obvious - or it can manifest itself psychologically for years in a quiet and less noticeable manner.

This verbal violence is often not that easy to spot, and many don't see it until they've been out of the relationship for a long time. The author and relationship coach Lundy Bancroft knows from years of consulting experience with "abusive relationships" (= psychological and / or physical violence in relationships), and in his book "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" described the types of men who practice them.

Those who read this list should ask themselves: Who am I living with - do I even recognize my partner in it? If so, then caution is advised.

The "Mr. Right"

He knows everything and he refuses to listen to your opinion, makes fun of you and your "stupidity". When he talks about you or to you, he offends you, makes you small, and treats you like a little girl.

And worse, he also knows better about everything in your life and how you should live it to please him. If you defy his opinion, you are treating him wrong - as absurd as it sounds. Because he is the ultimate authority, the world is his school class. If you don't follow it, you can expect sentences like "You will still see it".

The "Drill Sergeant"

This man is extremely controlling, he has the password for all your platforms and reads your text messages, he criticizes your dress style, or visits you at work to see what you are doing. He is very jealous and quickly escalates from verbal to physical violence. Because he has you completely under control, it's hard to escape. He believes that you don't need anyone but him in your life and does not allow you any form of independence.

"The Player"

He's very handsome and probably a bad boy. He's the type of man women read about in novels and passionately fall in love with. In the beginning, he makes you feel like the greatest woman in the world. But when the time goes by, you notice that he is flirting with others, even in your presence. He no longer treats you with respect. He makes sexual innuendos to other women, including your friends, or wants to go out with them.

Because he plays the women against each other, they will compete with each other after time instead of focusing on him. He does not see that his behavior is disrespectful and that he thus exercises psychological violence - and he may also manage that you do not see it.

The Demand Man

This man is very traditional, almost old-fashioned - and he thinks it's your job to take care of him. 24 hours a day, seven days a week. You have no right to ask him if he should do anything - even behind him you have to clean everything away. It even makes him angry when you ask him to do something. This manifests itself in verbal attacks of revenge, or even in physical violence. If he's unhappy it's your fault.

As his partner, you constantly feel like you're not doing anything right. Nothing you do is good enough and it is impossible to make him happy. You feel criticized all the time and he makes you feel like you could do anything better. But nothing comes back: the balance of give and take has gotten completely out of hand here. If he needs something, you have to leave everything behind - you have a concern, he doesn't have time, makes fun of you or thinks you are too dramatic. Your needs are always secondary. And once he does something nice, he'll hold it against you forever.

"The victim"

This man is very self-centered and believes that everyone should feel sorry for him for going through so much. Every relationship he has been in is, in his eyes, one in which he has been badly treated and exploited. He is also treated unfairly at work, by friends and also by you.

That's why he feels like he's got to get you back so you know how it feels. He was injured so badly in his head that he can get away with anything - even violence.

"The Water Torturer"

He will attack you in a clever way without raising his voice or showing anger. He uses subtle, consistent sarcasm and cruel comments to bring you down. He'll turn your words around in your mouth, even in public, to make you look bad. He never yells, but attacks you emotionally during an argument - and that ends up screaming or crying while he smiles at you and you say you are irrational or mentally unstable. No matter how mean he is, there is nothing you can do. His family and friends will be on his side because they don't understand you. He leaves everyone, including you, to believe that he is right because his tactics are slowly becoming established. Because he knows exactly what words to use to meet you.

The "Rambo"

He is aggressive towards most people. He likes to intimidate people and create fear. He has no patience for weaknesses. He does not believe in compassion and can use violence both physically and verbally.

However, at the beginning of the relationship, it seems like he is caring and protective. But that doesn't last because in reality he has no respect for women. He has very stereotypical ideas about men and women and their roles in society.

7 types of men who will mess you up in a relationship

What can also be the causes of sexual aversion in women?

When it comes to sexual aversion in women, hormonal changes, for example, can be a cause. Many women experience a loss of libido related to pill use or menopause. The best way to check for physical causes is to seek medical advice.

Sexual pleasure also arises through psychosomatic processes, that is, through an interplay of the psyche and the body. For example, stress and the feeling of not having time for yourself can play a role as a psychological cause. When we are under acute stress, we usually still have thoughts of our to-do list in bed in the evening, which are not very exciting. However, sexual pleasure is also tied to our thoughts. Relationship problems and a lack of attraction to the sexual partner can also play a role. There are also phases of life in which other things are in the foreground than sexual pleasure. Many couples experience such phases, for example after the birth of a child.

What is normal?

Even if sexual aversion is normal in both women and men, the question probably arises: How long has it been normal? When should lust arise again? Ultimately, it is not about statistics or the opinions of experts that matter, but about your personal feelings. If you suffer from a loss of libido, want more sex, or want to masturbate more often but are not aroused, that can be a reason to make a difference.

Make sure, however, that the thought behind your wish is not how much pleasure you should or should have supposedly. These expectations of yourself can arise, for example, when you have numbers in your head, how often people have sex on average, how often your friends have sex or through your partner's reactions to your displeasure.

Psychologically, the loss or lack of sexual desire can be diagnosed and treated as a mental illness. The decisive factor here, however, is that your desired sexual relationship is prevented by this loss or lack.

It's nice when people in relationships experience sexual pleasure as often, and it can be frustrating to be repeatedly rejected by your partner. However, it doesn't mean that more or less sexual pleasure is right or wrong.